Dear you,

why don’t you like me? why haven’t you answered my pursuits or pursued me yourself? am i not pretty enough for you? old enough for you? experienced enough for you? too coy? too innocent? not perfect? what must i be to make myself of any internal interest to you? i want to be that one gnawing thought in your brain that won’t let you sleep. i want to be that person you think up crazy adventures to go on with, places to explore, to see, to experience, to be excited about. is it wrong of me to desire you? to desire your touch, your voice, your appreciation, your attention? i want, i yearn, i crave, and most of all i suffer. because i cannot make my intentions or desires explicit enough to convince you of advancement.

what do i do every day? i smoke weed, i lay around, i think about love and life and all the things i’m bad at and all the things i’m good at. and i think and i think, and i think. listen to music, cry, smoke some more. think some more. sleep, work, do it all over again. feel pathetic, feel miserable, feel useless.

I honestly believe that religion..or “God” was purposefully created with the main intention to prevent people from killing themselves due to hopeless depression and the sense that life lacks meaning inherently

People empty me. I have to get away to refill.

- Charles Bukowski (via myfotolog)

I’ve missed this blog. Not who I used to be or what I used to do…not proud of it, to say the least. But it has good messages and good thoughts.